Little Man

 I'm in love with this baby. I need to be around him and when I'm not, I just ache. When I visit him, and I get to hold him that ache starts to go away. I'm always sad to leave but I'm anxious to get home to see my other babies. I can't wait until we can all be in one place, in one house. I feel like then Sophie will stop feeling confused. She won't have to ask things like, "when am I going to get a real baby brother?" Sam will maybe stop feeling this need to protect everyone and be my therapist. He will sit with me and say things like, "mom I know your sad that you had to leave your baby at the hospital but he'll come home soon." 

Steve feels this need to be there for me and I'm not sure he has even thought of himself or his needs since my water broke. I realize there are sure many other things that could have gone wrong that didn't. I just really hope that when he comes home, He still feels like a newborn. They just change so quickly and I love the newborn stage so much and I don't want to be robbed of it. But at good moments. I'm so happy to be home from the hospital and spend some time with my family. Sam has been out of school and Steve took some time off work. We have been hibernating at home. people from the ward have brought us dinner. the kids have the novelty of new toys to play with. And pretty soon we will have Miles home with us.

Miles Jeffrey Taylor, 4th love of my life

 

 Miles was born this morning at 7:07. His Labor was fast and furious and left us feeling like, "did that just happen?" I had been having contraction for 2 days though. They were hard, painful ones but they never got very close together and they never wanted to check my dialation to see if those contractions were doing anything beccause of the risk of infection was too great. All that night I was trying to breath through really intese labor pains that I was told weren't doing anything productive because they weren't close enough together. I watched the clock through the night til 6:30 am when they were going to induce me. I had my IV and The nurse checked me and She was a little floored to find out I was dialated to a 6. Which made me bawl at the news. I KNEW my body was doing something. The nurse was a rock star and she got my epidural ordered and got the room prepped, and the NICU charge nurse there in like 45 seconds. She was having a hard time keeping him on the monitor and his heart rate was dropping because my body was just dialating so fast. She put a monitor on his head and then was able to keep track of him better. They gave me oxygen and had to remind me to breath, everything that was going on around me and the pain was just so overwhelming. After I started being more conscious of the situation and in the moment, his heart rate went back to normal. She checked me again 15 minutes later and I was a complete 10 cm. The Dr. wasn't responding to his call and they were wondering if they needed a back-up plan. They called in the "on-call" hospital Dr. and he scared the crap out of me. He walked in like a deer in headlights and I could tell he didn't want to deliver me as much as I didn't want him to. I was about to yell out that I just wanted my nurse to deliver me, when the real Dr walked in. He was on a treadmill getting a morning workout in when they finally got a hold of him. He was great. The cord was wrapped around the baby's neck and the Dr. told me I had to push him out fast. I dug deep and got him out in 2 pushes.

When I heard this little man cry... a big, strong, ticked off cry, It was the most incredible feeling. I was so,so releived not only that he was here but that he was strong enough in his lungs and had enough air to let us all know he was okay. I got to hold him for a minute before they took him to the NICCU. He and I are going to be friends I think.

I like this picture of him in spite of the hat. I love his little lips here. He is doing well right now. Not perfect but for his age, his lungs are going to be a little underdeveloped and need a little push. It is hard to see him with IV's and cords and such. He wears a little CPAP on his nose that seem like it bugs him. I haven't seen him open his eyes yet, I just have to remind myslef that it's a gift I am seeing him at all this early and that everything is just going to take more time and patience in these first few months.

One thing that is the same this time around is that I have good milk production. I was so worried because everything is so different this time  around I was trying to prepare myslef that I wouldn't have breast milk but I do! and it makes me feel like a rockstar and that I have SOME control over something. I have more pictures I will upload when I get home but for now here is our little MILES. 

broken waters

December is going by at a snails rate but at the same time I keep hoping time will slow down a bit. I'm in the hospital trying to not have a baby. Which is a whole new concept for me. the other 2 times I have longed for those painful, hard contractions that come with a speedy labor. I did everything I could think of to bring those on. Now I am doing just the opposite. I'm afraid to have the baby right now. I'm afraid of the tininess and fragility of a 34 week old. I'm afraid that my baby is going to be not just a newborm but a preemie. Even saying that word feels scary to me. Babies at born full term are fragile and I feel like even though the doctors and nurses have kept me quite informed, I still don't really know what to expect. I know how to care for a newborn. I know I have a good milk supply. I know what it looks like when the baby is latching right or wrong. I won't even get a chance to feed him at first. That will be the job of a feeding tube. then after that.... who knows. I know that everything will be ok and yes I am so thankful to be in good hands and to hae my son in good hands. It's all just throwing me and I hope I do it all right. I hope I juggle taking care of my baby in the the NICU and my kids at home. They have already been without their mom for a week. It will be ok. It's hard to not have control of the situation.

I guess enough of how I feel. For record purposes her is how it happened.
my water broke on the 13th, a Tuesday, at 3:15. after trying to deciding that I didnt just wet myself, Steve and I drove to the small hospital I had chosen to deliver at. After admitting me, they decided that I needed to go to the bigger hospital because I was only 33 weeks, and they don't deliver babies earlier than 35 weeks. the strapped me to a gurney and hauled me in an ambulance. Never done that before. they gave me a nice room with a nice view and fed me full of antibiotics. I didnt realize that a baby could be ok without amniotic fluid but I guess they can. The big worry is risk of infection. The constantly check my temp to see if I'm running a fever. The plan is to induce me on Thursday, 34 weeks. I will wrote more later. I need to get some sleep.

halloween

Sophie was Belle this year. My mom made her costume. Sammo was a ninja. I love love Halloween. I myself enjoy dressing up but did no such thing this year. Too pregnant, too tired, and too without any decent ideas. 

Sophie seems to think that princesses don't smile showing their teeth. She enjoyed the attention from the people giving out the candy. Well attention and the fact that people were giving out candy. She kept saying, "I really love Halloween... this is so much fun." She enjoyed staying coming home and being the one to give the later trick-or-treaters their treats. 

Sam bought his own costume this year. He has a lot of options in his closet he could have been and I didn't really see the need to buy an entirely new one. He spotted this red ninja online and drooled over it for a few days. With a good price to top it off, the deal was done. 

He and Dad went out for about an hour after soph and I were done and hit more houses. He wanted to weigh his loot when he got home and he ended up with 3 and a half pounds of treats.

mucho better

So after my last very dramatic post, things have indeed taken a turn for the better and I feel so much better. I had another stone just hanging out in my bladder and it finally passed. yahoo! I feel so much better it puts all the other pregnancy strains into perspective and I need to not whine so much. Not promising anything, but I ought to try eh?

bahhhh!!!

        I'm not enjoying being pregnant right now. It's not that I want it over with, I just want to feel better. The last two weeks I've seen the doctor too many times, peed in a cup too many times, and taken too many pills than I'm generally comfortable with. I didn't really ever think it sounded fun to have a little rock in my kidney and have to pee it out... I was right. It's not fun. I know I'm not the only girl in the world to have ever had a kidney stone but those things friggin' hurt! And now I am left with some sort of bladder irritation or something. My DR is at a loss and now wants me to go to a urologist..... I don't wanna. I just want it to go away. I just want to pee normally again and not have my bladder feel like someone is poking it with a little needle over and over.  The only thing that gives me much relief is pain medication or laying in bed. Sam has been a gem but Soph doesn't understand why I can't play with her as much. I do better to rest on my days off so I can continue working. I do feel blessed to be able to make it through my workdays. (friends whose hair I do, I really am still working and am happy to be able to pay my bills with you coming to see me. So please, still come see me.) I realize that there are so many people who have it much much worse than me. I feel like a baby for making bladder pain such a big deal, I suppose I'm just cranky because it feels like I am in a continuous road trip having had too much coke and am about to burst. When I finally get to a rest stop, all I can get out is a trickle.  Like I said, BaHHhh!!! What if this lasts my whole pregnancy? What will it feel like when I have more than a 1 1/2 pound baby sitting on my bladder? I hope not. I guess seeing a urologist won't be so bad. 

21 weeks

Being Pregnant generally agrees with me. This pregnancy has left me incredibly tired with aching feet, splitting headaches, and numbness and carpal tunnel in my right hand. But Pregnancy has given me this little boy that kicks around in my belly and this sense of elation about it all. I'm entirely giddy to be pregnant. I love being able to find out what I'm having. I feel like I'm getting to know him already. I was pining for this little boy even before I was pregnant. As cheesy as it sounds I knew he was waiting to come to our family. I'm hoping to name him Seth. I named our other two (with my hubs input of course) so he feels like he gets naming rights. It is possible that I used that little privilege as a bribe to be able to expand our 2 to 3. So if this little guy ends up being Chuck Norris Jimmer Taylor, so be it. At least I get to snug him and raise him smooch his fat cheeks. But I really hope I don't have to call my baby Chuck. 

The other boy and only girl in our family are thrilled as well. Sam, is not realizing that it will take a good number of years before his brother will be able to play basketball and ride bikes with him but still. He told Steve the other day that he is planning to be his brothers hero. tear. What more could I ask for? 

Sams photo shoot

 My photographer friend Liz and I were finally able to get together to take some pictures of Sam. He is loving sports so much right now and She took this in the summertime at a park. Sam is going through the awkward little boy smile/grimace phase. But she was able to get some shots of him in his natural handsomeness and  his toothlessness. 

 He just learned how to ride his bike. A feat which has been a bit of a struggle for my timid nervous kid. It's amazing how he went from one day not riding his bike at all and being in tears out of frustration, to the next day riding it like a little pro and even starting and stopping by himself. It's all he wants to do right now. 

 Sam is reading like a champ these days. He wishes that math were harder in school. He is getting used to his teacher now. In the first week he was so worried about all the new rules and forgetting them and getting in trouble. But just like anything, he got used to it.

 He and Sophie try hard to play together. Sometimes with success and other times it's just squabbles. They want to play such different things. Sophie comes crying to me because Sam won't play "witch baby" I will hear them playing and Sam has some pretend, elaborate rescue mission going on and Sophie follows him around saying, "Husband... Husband... Be careful!"

 He is reeeally hoping for a little brother this time around and He seems to think it is most definitely going to be a boy. I was reminding him that we don't really get to choose what we get. He informed me that since babies come from heaven, Heavenly Father will listen to what the kids want, so he will just pray for a boy. 

He is such a sweet, special kid. I'm so lucky to get to be his mama.

first, first grader I've ever had.

He had very little nervousness and lots of excitement. He is growing up so much and is getting so much braver all the time. This summer he even learned to jump off the diving board by himself and swim to the edge and he will now swim under water without goggles on. He is such my little champ. I just love this boy. 

Baby love

I'm having another baby. I'm giddy and nervous and so anxious. This is supposed to be my last baby and being the daughter of a woman who had 9 babies, I feel slightly torn about this and a little bit unsure about not ever having any more. I really think I may be one of those women that could really throw all reason and caution to the wind and just to have as many squishy, wrinkly little cry facers my body and age can handle. My baby hungry gene is dangerously large. 


   At the moment this little one is about the size of a lime and still has 25 more weeks of gestation to go. It has a gender but it's parts still aren't deciferable. My doctor told me at my 12 week ultrasound that he thinks this is a boy. I intelligently asked, "how can you tell?" as if I thought that the way to tell gender was whether the amniotic fluid was pink or blue. He said, "what do you mean, how can I tell?" We shall see if this man is right. Remember cutie, curly haired sparkly pink princess Sophie? Yeah... I was told she was supposed to be a boy. 

   Babies are happening all around me. At the moment, there are 3 other women I work with who are also knocked up and have that pregnancy glow. (either that, or we are all glistening from sweat because of how bloody hot it is in that salon with all those blow dryers going at once.)


   My baby Brother just became a daddy which is so great and beyond bizarre. Then my baby sister is having a baby in October, also a boy. Then my older sister also joined in with all the baby news and miscarried soon after she announced... she would have been due about 6 weeks after me. It hardly seems fair and my heart hurts for her.


  I am 15 weeks along and showing more than I usually do at this point. No twins... just a stretchy uterus I suppose. We will be expecting this baby on or around February 3rd. Sam desperately wants a brother and Sophie seems to also. Sophie is so so so cute about the idea of being a big sister. She talks to my tummy all the time and gets upset if I seem to put any kind of pressure on my stomach. She yells "Stop! Your'e hurting you're baby!" She also thinks she can see it through my belly button. I love her. I know I will need to post a belly picture at some point but I always seem to feel okay about myself and my body until I see a picture of myself. so... not for now :) besides my own self image issues, I am over the moon and feeling well. I sometimes think I can feel this little person move but nothing definite quite yet. I feel so grateful to be able to have this experience and I feel really aware of what a gift it really is. no one doesn't know someone who isn't able to carry a baby, get pregnant, or even marriage hasn't quite happened. I feel a bit unworthy but it's not something I want to give up. I am just really, really happy.

went on a tripper

We hit Vegas again this year. It's close and it's different and we have a place we like to stay. I think next year we may have to choose another location because my son is getting old enough to notice all the near nudity splattered on every other billboard. But this year was good clean fun.

 Soph enjoying her drink at the hard rock cafe

 Sammo refuses to take a regular picture

 I have no idea where he gets it

 at Circus Circus

 I wish you could see Sophie in this one

 We always swam at night, you don't have to worry about sunscreen and it's still so so hot in vegas when the sun goes down.

Soph loved sharing the "couch bed" with her brother. She thought it was pretty great.

We went to see the aquarium at the Silverton and I thought this painting looked weirdly like Sophie.

This is a sad Sophster pouting over who knows what

Really sad/mad... me thinks it was time to go home.

.2 seconds into the car ride.

Kindergarten Grad

     Sam has become a handsome, toothless, reading, soon-to-be 1st grader. I'm a proud mama. He has been enjoying his summer and is not at all anxious to go back just yet. Right now he is spending his summer days swimming, playing with Sophie, and playing baseball and basketball. He goes outside everyday to shoot 50 baskets. Our hoop doesn't adjust to a lower height so it takes a while for him to get there but he usually does. 
     Another favorite pastime is to play tricks on everyone. Like hiding Dads work backpack while he is about ready to go out the door. he also does that with my purse. He wanted nothing more than to get his dad "fart gum" for Fathers day. Maybe I should have let him. We love this boy.

300th post, wowza!

I have been a bloggin' fool these past few years. There are not very many things in my life that reach the 300 mark. Thankfully not the scale and my bank account goes up and down past that number too often. There are maybe some things that have maybe done 300 times but have not kept a tally. thank you to google and blogger for charting my blogging progress and making me feel like a champ. For my 300th post I thought that I would give you a list of 300 things about me. Surely that is the type of thing you look forward to reading on a Sunday evening.
1. I like dairy. Cheese, milk, ice cream ect
2. I don't like scary movies
3. I get really really bored making lists


Lets just say.... happy 300th yay!

I do have a son

I feel like I haven't posted anything about my Sammo in a while. Here is a funny from my 6 yr old old man. We have a little girl in our neighborhood that is a little wild and a does things that don't always have an explanation. This of course baffles Sams logical brain. When we drove past her and her little brother outside, she was wearing goggles and holding a large fishing pole. I thought it was odd, but Sam took it a little further. saying,
"what is Grace doing with that fishing pole?! And why is she wearing goggles? Since she is holding that pole she is more inclined to poke George (her brother) in the eye than poke herself in the eye. She should really give those goggles to George"
         
Yes, Sam, I guess that would be the way to make goggles and a fishing pole make logical sense. And Yes, he actually used the words "inclined to"

Sophie is tha-reeee!

 My little girl prefers her hair down and tangled. She will choose pink over just about every color but for some reason seems to like brown clothing. When someone tells her how pretty she is, she says "I know" with a giggle. She prefers to dance to punk rock over pop. 

 She likes eggs for breakfast and will never eat cereal. She will almost always take gum as a bribe. She loves friends but freaks out if an unfamiliar adult comes near because they "might look at me." 

 She loves to do things on her own, this outfit is one of her own creation (notice the inside-out leggings) She says things like "my hair is so pretty, I can't even believe it!" She especially thought so with the leftover pink and purple hairspray she had put in her hair at sam's school carnival. 

For her Birthday she got her fave, scrambled eggs and heart shaped toast.

 Here is my feeble attempt at a ballerina cake. The doll needed to be a bit bigger I think. She thought it was great so oh well for my ego right?

 Dutch and Soph enjoyed sampling the frosting "sophie"

 I love their sweet little toddlerish fingers.

These girls are best buddies and too alike sometimes. They both are incredibly girly, stubborn as all get-out and have an intense flair for the dramatic.

Sophie loved her Birthday this year. She got a little pink trike and a pink mic....raphone. She enjoyed being queen for the day. I we were all a little worn out by the end of it but she's worth it. I get my payback in hugs and kisses and "I love you"s"

The Many Looks of the Soph Monster

Clothes Monster that is. Sophie insists on changing her look 

sev-er-al times each day. Each look generally goes with a change of shoes and accessories. Today I thought I would chronicle her changes. Today was a bit of a calm day for her standards. There were no tutus and headbands and sunglasses. For example, the other night she insisted on wearing a tutu, mittens, snow hat, and boots to bed. She is such a little free-spirited fashionista 

The first outfit of choice was a purple and green striped shirt, floral skirt, with striped leggings and be-jewled flip-flops

After hanging out with her friend Dutch, and seeing that she had on a pink doggy shirt that matched one at home, she just had to  wear it too. Then, on goes these 18 Mo size denim shorts, she always digs out of her "too small" box and a change of shoes also.

Then her swimming suit. Here she is, digging in her drawers for her next outfit. if you notice on the bottom left, she keeps her stool there for ready access to her top drawers to find her tights and such.

This princess shirt is often one she comes back to. She calls it her "Tiana shirt" -also, new, bigger denim shorts

Then a skirt

Then a pair of bermuda shorts and a sparkly tee. Which is fitting because when she is asked what her favorite color is, she says, "spark-a-lee"

I have had a struggle to know what to get this girl for her birthday. When I asked her if she would rather have toys or clothes, can you guess what she said?