The Taylors: thug husband

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

thug husband

As our 8th anniversary was approaching, we were looking back on our lives and accomplishments and Steve confided in me that he had desperately been wanting to emulate K-Fed... so I obliged him with a new 'do. Though the cornrows were a nice touch for his street cred, (the gang signs could use some work) he only kept them in long enough for me to snap some pictures, The tight braids were beginning to give him a headache. At least we got some super fly pics for the album cover....His debut rap album is finished and will soon be available at your local Deseret Book. We are still working on a stage name to make him even more legit. Suggestions?? we are also working on fattening him up so he can land a coveted spot on Celebrity fit club... when that happens, we will really know we've made it!

check back for my next post about our anniversary getaway and all the sparks that flew...literally (very G rated)

2 comments:

Jackie said...: but, I think Steve is too successful to be K-fed.; April 25, 2010 at 6:40 PM
FJ Johnson said...: WOW i love the corn rows. I just laughed out loud. I love that he let you do that. Maybe Chase will let me practice on him.; April 28, 2010 at 8:20 PM

Sammy says... and Sophie says

6-12: Sam and Soph were doing a Jillian Micheals workout DVD with me one night. They seemed to actually have fun with it. When saying prayers that night, Sophie said, "and please bless we won't have to do any more stupid exercises."

5-12: Sophie loves to play pretend. She calls it games. She often ropes me into playing a "game" with her. She is often the Mom and I'm the baby or the kid or two kids. She tells me what to do and say and tells me my characters name. Some of her names are quite regular like, Emily and Ellie. She always names me crazy things like, Carl, Wretcher, Alloopsia, and my favorite and most common name is Buttless.

5-12: One of the "games" sophie likes to play is that I am her baby and it's Christmas, she gives me a present which I pretend unwrap and I have to come up with what it is she gave me, like, "Thanks mama for the dolly!" I started to say crazy things and acting confused as to why she would give me that for Christmas. One of those things was a necklace made of teeth. She told me that it was a yummy necklace and I should eat it. I pretending to and said it was yucky. she then said, "maybe you should put some ketchup on it."

3-12: I was trying to implore Sam to quit teasing his sister and said,"Sam you just need to stop Kid,"

Sam: Don't call me Kid.
Me: "why not, it's not a mean name, you are a kid."
Sam: "I know I am, I just find it offensive"

3-12: Sam likes to play jokes on people. and he likes to talk about the potential jokes he'd like to play on people. When I was putting him to bed he said, "mom, I'm going to make crazy noises in the middle of the night and it's going to make you call animal control!"

1-12: Sophie: "mom can you get me some milk? but I want milk from a cow not human milk."

1-12: Sophie has incorperated the word Glorious in her vocabulary but does'nt really know where to place it in a sentance, today when I asked her to go get a diaper for me she answered, "I would be GLORious to."

1-12: She loves to pretend to be anything baby. She will pretend to be a baby in my tummy and kick. I'm supposed to respond with an "Ow!" The other day she gave a really big kick (to the air) and said, "I just broke your water."

1-12: She likes to answer my requests with a bratty,

"okay, okay, cheese" instead of 'geez'

10-11: Grandma was helping Sophie get ready for bed and in a sweet teasing way soph said, "Grandma, you... you... Little Maniac!"

9-11: Sophie: "Mom, I have to tell you a secret... my boogars taste delicious!"

9-11: Sophie kept telling me she was excited for her "new brown baby" to come. After some confusion and questioning, I realized she was trying to say "brand new baby"

8-11: Sophie said to me out of the blue this morning, "Mom, I have two babies in my tummy and they both speak Spanish."

8-11: Sam was telling me he wants to be captain America for Halloween this year and I mentioned to him that it may not be fun to wear to school because they are not allowed to wear masks. He responded saying, "I can just wear a name tag so they know I'm just a school kid and not like a bad guy. I mean, forget it, how many gangster midgets are going to walk into a school anyway??"

7-11: I was wondering if Sam still remembered his address from when he learned it at school and I asked him, "Sam, do you know your address?" He said, "Mom... I am NOT a dress and I never will be."

7-11: I was listening to Soph put her baby doll in timeout the other day. I asked her what it was her baby did that landed her in timeout. She said, "umm... she killed her Daddy." This was a bit shocking coming from my 3 year old and I asked her just how her baby did it. She said, "Wiff her big strong muscles." Then Sam piped in to offer his words of reason and said, "Sophie, if your baby killed her Dad, she deserves a waaay bigger punishment than a timeout. You should at least take away a toy."

11-10: Sophie mixes up a lot of her words like she calls a flu-shot a "shoe shop", an umbrella is a "gorilla" a salt water taffy is a "tattoo", a whisper is a "whistle"

11-10: "Sam has this little friend that has some behavioral issues and Sam is in a bit of a bossy phase. He came home from a play-date and told me that Boston had freaked out over something and he said, "I told Boston that he needs to stop being so dramatic and that in life we have consequences for our choices." I have to keep reminding him that he's five.

11-10" after I told Sophie that I didn't have enough money for a toy, and suggested she could maybe have it for Christmas, she said, "does Christmas have enough money?"

11-10: Sophie has been obsessed with princesses and loves the very end of the movie when she marries her prince. The other day she spotted a picture of herself as a baby in her blessing dress. She pointed to it and said. "look! a baby got married!"

11-10: Steve bought a chocolate football and Sam was telling auntie Kenz how real it looked. She asked him if he was sure the one he was currently playing with wasn't chocolate and proceeded to pretend to take a bit out of it. Sam grabbed it from her and said, "You can't just go around nibbling on peoples footballs!"

10-10: "when I have a married dress I will be sooo beau-ful."

10-10: She was holding up a Cinderalla dress-up to herself at the toy store. I asked her if she was Cinderella and she said, "Yes... but where's my prince? Dad offered to be her prince and she smiled and looked up at him hopefully and said, "will you dance wiff me?"

7-10: Sophie had a really hard time falling asleep tonight. Both kids love to hear stories about themselves as babies, so I was telling her about when she was a teeny baby she pooped so much we called her "poop machine," and that she had spiky hair and a few other things. I told her that she was so tiny I said, "Guess what Daddy called you?", wondering if she would say her nickname 'little.' She said "ummm ... poop face." She's such a funny, random little thing.

6-10: We passed a field of haystacks today and Sam was trying to tell me that it kind of looked like a cemetery, with coffins, but he didn't quite know the words. He said, "Mom, that looks like a reservatory with boxes of humans.

6-10: I told him that Aunt Laurie wanted to take him on a one on one date so next time he saw her he said, "would you like to go on a date with me? Laurie: "yes! I do! where would you like to go?" Sam: "how about a steak house"

6-10: Dad was removing his morning flem that goes along with having allergies, and hocking some pretty good logies. Sophie said, "Daddy puking?"

6-10: "mee-maw, no talk to papa, talk to sophie!"

6-10: "Mom, is Heavenly Father my step- dad?"

6-10: He was showing me his bruises and such on his legs, just from playing outside. I was oooing and awing like a good mom, and he responded with, "that's just all part of being a kid"

5-1o: Sam was helping Grandpa in the yard by picking up fallen apricots. At a pennny a piece, he earned himself 6 bucks. Grandpa asked him if would rather have 6 ones or a 5 and a 1. Sam said, "actually, I would prefer hundreds."

5-10: Sophie wanted to say family prayer the other night. SHe was repeating what I was saying, I said, " thank you for Brother" she said, "Taint too for bu... Sophie!" And busted out laughing hysterically.

4-10: I was sitting on the floor in my room and Sam was jumping on my bed, showing me his tricks. My legs were super sore from excersizing. Sophie decided she wanted to jump too, so while on my lap, she jumped up ad crashed down on my legs. I yellped in pain and Sam, being very concerned said, "are you ok mom? did Sophie get you in the Ka-china?" (we just use the actual terms for such body parts in our house which I know is shocking to my mother.... sorry mom :) )

4-10: at the park, sam has started to make friends with random kids. There was this little boy that was maybe just older than Sophie. He was trying hard to strike up a conversation with him. The little boy was climbing all over and was quite coordinated and Sam said to the dad. "He's a good climber for such a little guy!" When the "little guy" had made him way to the top, sam started to yell to him, "how old are you?!" little guy: "Whaalleraeeeeee!!" (or something) Sam: "Your'e 3!? little guy: "buh-buh-erriiiiiiiibe!" Sam: "your'e 5!?"

3-10: "mom, I think that Heavenly Father makes the babies invisible so they can go inside the mommy's tummy without us seeing.... now I just have to figure out how he get's it in there."

3-10: Aunt Kenzie let him play with her ipod touch and she was showing him some games one of which is a very cartooney game that island natives get eaten by sharks. He seemed intrigued and said, "I want to play that one, I'm really into violence right now."

2-10: after some discussion that led to a conversation about necessities and the difference between wants and needs and establishing that food and water was a need I asked him what else was a need... SAM: "Toys?" MOM: "Actually their not." SAM: "yes they are, if kids didn't have toys they would go out of their minds!"

1-10: Grandma Buddy was visiting and went to go use the bathroom. When she was out of ear shot Sam said to me, "Grandma buddy is kind of chubby, like I was when I was a baby."

12-09:Sam: "Mom, when you are an old lady and can't drive anymore, I will take you to the store and buy you groceries" Mom: "You will? When I'm old, can I just come live with you at your house?" Sam: :"Yeah, sure!" Mom: "What if your wife doesn't want me to?" Sam: "Then I will just say, 'Pleeeease wife, She's a really nice lady."

10-03-09: while reading him the book, 'Chicka Chicka Boom Boom' he said, "What if dis book was called Chicka Chicka Bum Bum and it was all about butts! dat wold be hillarious!"

10-3-09: After I told Sam he was being snotty he burst into tears. (he hates being in trouble) after some reconciliation, he instructed me on how I could have handled the situation better. "You should ownee tell me I'm snotty when I'm truly being naughty, like when ... I yell at you.... oooor.... I shoot my sister in da face." After some clarification, I learned he meant with his nerf gun.

9-28-09: Steve has a t-shirt with JFK on it, and Sam, who is following in the JFK fascination footsteps, said, "Dad, since you have a JFK shirt, mom should have a Jaqueline shirt, Sophie should have a Caroline shirt, and I should have a Jon Jon shirt." so funny what that kid soaks in.

9-20-09: "Mom, I'm not afraid of anything, not even bears. If a bear came to our house, I would dust call Chase (his grown-up buddy that took him shooting.) and he would bring his gun and we would be like, 'bring it on bear!"

9-16-09 Mom:"Sam, let's get ready and go to the store" Sam:"I don't want to go to the store, I just want to stay home"

Mom:"Why don't you want to come?" Sam: "because my body is dust a home-body"

9-16-09 He is going through a new hotwheels phase and just recently got a new case to keep them all organized. Sam decided that any little car he has that doesn't bear the "HotWheels"logo doesn't make it in his case. Those cars are kept in a little pile which he calls the "HotWheel Bynah-nah"???? maybe it's like hotwheel outer darkness?

9-2-09 Sam's room is the cleanest in our house (not my doing)

I'm not really a bed-maker but I made his bed the other day. This, I guees is a novelty for him. The next day he said to me, "Mom, can you please pull my blankets up over my pillow? I LOOVE it when you do that."

7-26-09 "mom, I missed you! We need some one on one time lets go have a little chat."

7-2-09 We were talking about how water gets hard when it becomes ice. I told him the difference between gas, liquid and solid. He was naming off all these beverages that were also liquids, like water. I said, "What else is a liquid that we don't drink?"I thought he would say rain, or the pool, he said, "beer?"

6-25-09"Mom, I don't know what heaven looks like." Mom: "I don't either ." Sam: "Let's look it up on the website."

5-2-09 Sam said the prayer at dinner time and after the usual thankyou for's, and please bless's, He said, "...and please bless my little sister not to be so spazzy."

4-29-09 Sam likes to pretend to be a mail man and he had folded up a peice of paper and said I had mail, and that he wanted to read it to me.... "Dear Stacy, You shouldn't watch American Idol so much. I know you yuv American Idol but you should watch da Yankees wiff your husband Steven."

4-27-09 When Steve was running an errand, I asked him to take one kid with him, Sam said, "Dad, would you rather take me, or crazy face?"

4-2o Steve bought him a kids JFK history book and he loves it for a bed time story. Here are some funny comments that have come from that.

"Dad, would JFK still be alive if he didn't get shot in the head?

Dad: "yeah, probably... he would be a Grandpa."

Sam: "But it's okay huh, cause he is in heaven wiff his bruhder Joe. He's probee like, 'hey what's up Joe! I have'nt seen you since the war!"

4-16-08: His response to our random snowy days was, "Mother! What happended to our lovely spring?"

4-15-08 When asked to do something he said, in an overly exuberant voice, "I'd be delighted to!"

2-21-08: Sam: "Mom, I'm so drunk!"

Mom: already laughing "You are? what does Drunk mean? "

Sam: "oh, it dust means dat you drank too much water."

2-19-08:"Is dhere such fing as a real party animal?"

2-7-08: "I know how to say, 'your welcome' to girls...you say, 'your majesty.'"

2-6-08: "When a friend was telling me about her moms lack of memory lately, Sam piped up to join the conversation and said, "Maybe your mom has a concussion."

1-29-08 Sam: "dhere is a girl at my pre-school dat said she wants to marry me!"

Mom:" Really? what did you say to her?"

Sam: "wehw, at first I fought she said she wanted to bury me... I was a yiddow confused."

Mom: "what is her name?"

Sam: "I don't remember"

Mom: "Well if you are going to marry her, you should probably ask her, her name."

Sam: "Yeah, and I should pwohbwee tell her dat I stihw want to yive wiff my parents."

1-15-08 Steve has been bugging me to cut Sam's hair, which I don't want to do. here is a conversation about that.

Mom: "we will cut your hair in a while but not right now"

Sam: "No! I never want to cut my hair."

Mom: "If we never cut your hair it will grow all the way down to your bum!"

Sam: "Whehw, my dad has hair on his bum... right dad?"

1-12-08 He loves to learn new words and I was teaching him a few while we were in the car. we go over the meaning and use it in sentences, after a while he said, "Mom, I have a new word for you! it's "body dawdy, it means, 'what's the news?'"

1-8-09 "Is Jesus afraid of spiders?"

12-25-08 After pretend calling all his favorite people yesterday on his pretend phone, this was his conversation with another favorite person, "Hey Jesus, how are you? Happy Birsday!" and, "Hi Heavnee Fahder, I fink I want anudher baby sister."

12-19-08 He wants to say his prayers entirely by himself and occasionaly he gets all sweet and mixed up, like the other day when he ended his prayer with, "my name is Jesus Christ, Amen."

12-19-08 "Aunt Tristan shoud'nt name her baby 'Bear' cause uncle Greg might shoot it."

12-11-08 "Mom I want a bear from yellowstone for Christmas!"

12-3-08 Sam was sick and throwing up yesterday so like a good mom, I was not allowing him anything to eat besides sips of clear liquid. It broke my heart though because he was just balling and begging for food. After a few hours of no puke, I tested him with a full cup of watered down apple juice... which he threw up right after his pancakes were about to be served. So the crying and begging excalated. "But I'm STARVING!.... You're my mommy, and mommies are supposed to feed dhehre kids!"

11-08-08 I went with the female side of my family to see High School Musical, Sam came with us and at one point during the movie Sam asked where the main girl's Mommy was. I told him that she is all grown up and went to college. Then he said." Mom, Womans don't go to college!" I did my best to put that idea to rest.

11-08-08 as we were walking through a parking lot to our car, I insisted he hold my hand, he pause for a minute and said, "what if you had a kid wiff no ahwms?"

11-1-08: Sam: "What is daddy going to be when he grows up?"

Mom: "Well, he is not quite sure, maybe a teacher, or a writer."

Sam: "will he write our grocery list?"

(Sometimes the Sam speech is hard to type phonetically...You get the idea)

10-31-08: We went outside to play and Sam pointed to the overcast sky and in a very grown up way, said, "I don't yike da yook of doze clouds!"

10-04-08 : He was holding his a pretend gun and pretending to be a cowboy, He got a serious look on his face and aimed his gun at me and in his best man/cowboy voice said, "You miserable old lady!"

10-03-08: Sam is becoming more and more independent but he still wants help on things he is totally capable of. He came up to me after using the potty and wanted help pulling his pants up. I told him to try himself and his response was, "But I fought you were my big helper"

10-01-08 Sam: "Mom, whehw is my maternity belt?"
Mom: "your what?"
Sam: "My maternity belt!"
Mom: "ummmm...?"
Sam: "My batman one what can hohwd woopins (weapons)"
Mom: "Oh... your Utility belt"

9-30-08 This was totally out of the blue
Sam: "People shouldn't kihw (kill) wabbits, dat's mean!"
Mom: "yeah, I guess it is. People used to not have grocery stores to get food so they would eat things like rabbits for food."
Sam: "Yeah and dehy used to kihw spiders and eat dem too!"

9-23-08 After leaving his friend Jacksons house, Jackson was crying because he didn't want us to go. as we were driving home, Sam said, "I wish I had wihwee yong ahrms dat can stwetch all da way to Jacksons house, Den i would open his door, and hold his hand so he won't be sad any mohw."

9-13-08 "We should paint our car black for hayoween so it can be da bat mobile"

9-12-08 (now that it isn't really sandal weather anymore).... "I wish we had a shoe taker offer machine."

8-9-08 "Mom I have good news! I fohgot to bwush my teef yast night, and I din't get any cavities!"

8-8-08 Just some recent phrases.....
"dat's fweakin' awesome"
"Do you know my name?.... It's Batman!"
"Easy Camper!"
"next time I get hurt... I wihw dust suck it up!"
"Mom! I have good/bad news.........!"
"seewiouswee! (seriously)

8-03-08 When explaining to Sam that the reason Dad can't always stay in nursery with him is that he has to go to his church class, He replied, "Do dey teach him to fohwd his ahwms dehre?"